January 7, 2019

2019, I'm ready

Hope everyone's having a good start to 2019.

In 2015 when I decided to move on from Elska, I stopped writing about my feelings and became quite inactive on social media. I never liked the idea of being an 'influencer',  I lamented at every single time when I had to post or behave like one for the sake of Elska but I had to do it because the influencer strategy was effective. I don't dismiss influencers.  To me, an influencer job is just like any other respectable career choices. I know many may disagree. But all I can say is, it takes hard work to succeed and for the real passionate ones, you have my respect. If given a choice again back then, I would have adopted another marketing strategy, I really didn't enjoy the process since 'I had to' do it instead of 'I wanted to'. I felt uncertain before starting Acetually, I knew I wanted to do it but a part of me was wavering. But once I started, I immediately realised it was different. It's equally tough but I really enjoyed the process because I wanted to share skills. I was so relieved.

From 2016 to 2017, I was trying to find my place. I did some full-time stints as a photographer, a graphic designer and even tried my hand at UI/UX design which was a really good experience but the thing is, I never felt satisfied. Even with family and friends' support, I was adamant not to start a womenswear brand, the industry was oversaturated and I didn't have the full capacity to make it happen. Or maybe it was an excuse since I was completely jaded. Ever since, all I did was piling work and more work on myself. I joined Sersq Photobooth as a partner and started teaching as an adjunct lecturer.

In 2018, I became certain of a few things I wanted to pursue. In these 2 years I've been teaching, I've felt moments of joy and satisfaction when my students get excited with learning, exploring their creativity and breaking out of their shells. I enjoy interacting with the students and helping them to attain their potential. My students inspired me to pursue the Masters degree I've aways wanted but never did. My students inspired me to start a DIY Youtube channel to advocate slow fashion and share fun sewing projects even though I told them never to use my domestic sewing methods for their school projects.

But despite the good things, 2018 was also the toughest year. We lost our father. He seldom express much in words but we know how deeply he loved his family. He was a generous man with a big heart. Papa, you'll be greatly missed. We'll be strong with the love you had given us and I promise you, I'll always be there for Jason. 

I spent the last 5 weeks nursing an eye inflammation, which the doctor has diagnosed as uveitis. Due to side effects and complications, I'm also experiencing headaches, sore throat, runny nose, fever and blurry vision. Yet I cannot afford to stop the drops, as my eye becomes instantly red. I also took a MRI brain scan as it could be related to my chronic neuralgia. I'm trying to work on my videos whenever I can (I have so much to share with you guys) but they may be taking longer for now. I shot the basic t-shirt a month ago and I still have not released part 2.

On a happier note, I'm starting my Masters class today. To be very honest, I'm not really sure if I can cope, on top of everything else that I'm doing. But one thing's for sure, I'm looking forward. 

I'm looking forward to school.
I'm looking forward to my students' works.
I'm looking forward to share my upcoming #acetually projects with you. 

So 2019, 

Even though I'm fearful,
Even though it may not be easy for my eye to recover,
Even though things may get tough,

I'm ready for you.



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